Witt's Short Stories
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Short Story #1
by Robby S Witt
This is a little story or play that perhaps only Jewish people might get, but I still wanted to share it. All the names are basic Yiddish insults. For examples. Alta Caca means old man.
Bunsen Burner Chats with Chaim Yankel MT ASCP
Episode 1: "Culture of Med Tech"
Chaim Yankel is already sitting on his stool next to the Bunsen burner in the laboratory. He's waiting for the other med techs to arrive. He is a seasoned, senior med tech. He looks like Albert Einstein, but not as neat.
"Hello! Come in, come in!" said Chaim Yankel. He motions with his hand.
"Please, take a stool," said Chaim, "Oy vey! Not that one, Slim Dreck! I meant a chair! Ok, I would offer everyone a hot beverage; however, as all of you know, no food or drinks are allowed in the lab." He wags his finger at them.
"Mr. Yankel?" asked Nina Kapoop.
"Ya?" replied Mr. Yankel.
"What are we going to talk about today?"
"Well, Nina, I thought we could talk about med tech culture. Actually, I talk and you can ask questions, ok?" said Mr. Yankel. "What does the word "culture" mean?"
“I know, it means you are like the Finks, they are stinking rich and have lots of culture, right, Mr. Yankel?” said Moshe Kapoyer with his hand waving in the air.
Mr. Yankel said, “No, that’s not exactly what I meant. Here, I got this definition off the internet, ‘The quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, so forth.’ That’s a lot of mumbo jumbo, I know, but I was talking to my brother-law, Alte Cocker, just the other day about culture in the laboratory. He said to me, ‘Chaim, you have too much sensitivity!’ As the case may be, back in my day, I remember when it was a matter of pride that a med tech would make sure that his or her bench was cleaned and well stocked when he arrived and before he left. The next med tech might have an emergency to do. When they reached out for a pipette—nothing-nil-zero! The emergency would be delayed because they have to fill up the container with more pipettes! Oy vey! God forbid, someone should die! We should not only be mindful of our teachings, but also, go beyond the call of duty. Okay, kids, let’s see who can be the best med tech! Who can stock their bench better than the next one?”
Suddenly there’s a loud bang and a crash. Footsteps sounds run from the room.
“No! Not right this minute, Maya Shugener! She’s such a nut, but you got love her chutzpah!” said Mr. Yankel.
“Does she have a boyfriend?” asked Yente.
“Ah, not now, Yente,” said Mr. Yankel, “Okay, you darlings, let’s remember, our med tech culture. There are some things that we must not forget, yet, there are a few things, I wouldn’t mind forgetting, such as mouth pipepetting and rotary phones. You can all leave. I’ll see you next time on Bunsen Burner Chats when we discuss med techs and email etiquette, ya!”
"Mr. Yankel, what is a rotary phone?” asked Bobby Myes.